It's Been A While

Do you ever get so wrapped up in wanting all the things you paralyze yourself to the point of not achieving any of them?

That's been me this year. I had all these grand plans, but then my squirrel brain would see a new shiny object and want to chase it in hopes of that being THE THING. 

I'm not sure where this mentality came from? I've never been like this before, distracted occasionally? Of course. Enjoy new things and hobbies, or redirecting my goals? Absolutely!

Veer so far off course I never finish or complete one single thing I set out to in a 12 month span? Never in my life.  

I have truly been all over the place and I still can't put my finger on why, maybe it's a midlife crisis? HAHA! No, I think I just let myself swirl down a path so deep in this fixation of mine that I was nothing now that I didn't have my Air Force job or my dance studio, that I self-sabotaged anything and everything I set my sites on. 

Additionally, I think fear has been hidden in all my actions. Afraid to show the world yet ANOTHER Jacqueline. Gzz, can't she just stick to one thing?

The truth is, I have had a lot of journeys and avenues in my short 39 years. Heck, I've had a lot of careers too. Maybe it's because I am multi-passionate, maybe it is because I know when it's time to say good-bye and don't force something that isn't working anymore. Maybe it's just because my life path was decided for me long before I arrived and I just haven't fully completed the journey to find what I'm really here to do? 

Whatever it is, I am sure of one thing - I am tired of living in fear. I am tired of hiding. I am tired of not putting all my eggs in 1 basket. Yes, that may seem like a terrible idea to most, but it's exactly how I've succeeded in so many ventures in life. 

Me, at 24, in a town I knew no one, my husband prepping to deploy, I had a decent retail job: "I'm going to grad school. I'm going to be a teacher." 
 - Applied, got in, focused my attention on subbing in the local districts for experience and completing my studies. Graduated with honors in 2013. Landed a teaching job immediately. 

Us, husband completed his contract with the Army, was driving for a local company, I got a job back home, we packed up and moved. I started said job - a non-profit preschool, I was so excited. Me, a few weeks later "Kyle, I absolutely hate this. I don't want this job, this is not for me. I don't want to spend my life babysitting or restructuring an entire program for minimum wage." (Yes, they were asking a LOT of me as a brand new teacher and not a lot of money.) I also was still struggling with the infertility we had been through, moving back home was questionable, and three major deaths, two of which were people who made up my entire world growing up.  

I quit. I wasn't sure what the plan was, but I knew it wasn't that. 

Then, something came about, nothing I had planned, and I wasn't even sure it was the right call - I asked to purchase the dance studio I grew up in. My dance teacher had just passed and it was a devastating loss, for so many. She was like family, her family was like family. It worked out - I was the new owner. 

It was not a malicious move, it was not to be a savior, it really was just because it felt right at the time and like something I could proudly do while remembering her and honoring the experience I had as a kid and teenager in the studio. 

However, I had been away for some time. The location had changed, the families had changed, and the overall experience wasn't the same as I remembered as a kid. I knew if I wanted to make this work for me, for my family, and for the business, I had to make changes. These changes were not widely accepted. It tore apart pieces of my world and broke ties to pretty much everyone from my dance world and childhood. 

I think a combination of grief, from all parties, and lack of direct communication, with an unfortunately astounding number of gossip queens and two faced communications, assumptions were made that were never true. Distance grew, and her legacy and my childhood / dance years all became a part of me that I muted for the external world. It was like I wasn't able to be ME and do what was best for the business that was going to feed my family and was my livelihood because it wasn't exactly what everyone else wanted or what the prior families of the studio thought should be done. Like I said, a lot of speculations, a lot of nastiness, and no real grace for how difficult this period of transition really was for me. 

It's funny though, because owning my dance studio - yes, it was my dance studio now, not the childhood studio I grew up in - has been one of my favorite phases of life. Even with the sorrow and heartache that came of it, through losing a community, to building a brand new one, and lost it to COVID. I look back on those years with nothing but love and happiness. I still believe I did honor my teacher, even under a different studio name, if it weren't for my experiences with her and the love she showed me, I would not have known that to give to all the kids that graced our dance floor. I wouldn't have known how to choreograph or build a theme, I wouldn't have known how to run a production or build a life doing something so magical. She taught me those things, by watching her and loving her. For that I will always been grateful. For my time with her, my dance years, the memories I still hold dear, I will always be grateful and look back with nothing but love in my heart. 

All this to say, when that part of my life ended, I was a mess. I didn't know what was next. Then, out of the graces of the Universe, I got a job with the Air Force. A completely new career, something I knew absolutely nothing about. 

I went all in. I spent my time reading, researching, and learning as much as I possibly could to succeed. After all, at this point in time, I thought I was a HUGE failure for closing the studio in 2020 after the COVID chaos. Looking back, it was the best decision for my family, for me. So not succeeding in this new role was NOT an option. 

Fast forward a year. I passed certification I needed, in less time than required, completed all training and courses ahead of schedule, and had taken on work for an individual two pay-grades above me while he was on paternity leave. I was feeling good. Then I got asked to go work in one of the more prestigious organizations of the Center I worked for and I was so excited. They were taking my training wheels off, and I got promoted right at my year mark, as soon as it was possible (there's policies on how quickly you can be promoted). I was so excited but there was this war inside of me that was exhausting. I was living a completely different life, going into an office on a daily basis now - most of the hybrid work from COVID began fading. I was being asked to take on some SERIOUS responsibilities and all I could feel was dread and exhaustion. I didn't feel like me, I didn't look like me, and my weight just kept going up and down - I think from stress and maybe a little depression. 

I was looking for a sign, for anything, something that would put me back into the world of being my own boss and running my own life again. I got it in my head I wanted to go into real estate. I did the research and found school that I could do while still working my job. Then I knew... if I'm going to do this, I'm going all in. I'm not half-*ssing it. 

So I discussed it with my husband and made the crazy decision to resign. (Yes, right after being promoted.) My sweet boss, still one of my favorite people I've worked for and with, he tried everything to convince me to stay and work with me to get me on a path I was happier with, but he also understood and supported my decision, even though he hated to see me go. 

I set a goal, it was DELUSIONAL. Let me set the scene for you: 
 - September 29, 2021 - I decided exactly what I wanted
 - October 4th - I gave my two week notice
 - October 6th - I interviewed for a dream team
 - October 16th - November 3 - I worked my butt off! I did all the studying, courses, and paperwork for real estate. 
 - November 4th - Turned in all my required paperwork
 - December 3rd - Sat for the National and State exam for the first time and passed.
 - December 5th - 9th - took a vacation and started my life as a real estate agent.

I set a goal, I committed to it, and I did it. I was so proud of myself. 

Only to find a few months later - I hated it. LOL... 🤣

I told you, I've been on some journeys. I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, but sometimes it turns out, even after all the work it's not at all what I wanted. 

I made a few phone calls to see if there were any openings with the old organizations I worked for with the Air Force, I new they were still doing open hiring. I reapplied, spoke with the big boss, and thank the world, he gave me another shot. After that, it was like I wasn't mean to be anywhere else. 

I quickly went from just being the new hire, back in the field I had just learned the year before, to being the head of the program and that's exactly where I stayed, I worked mainly remote, but somewhat hybrid - we were in office shortages and moving offices, with not enough desks, so I had the fortunate situation of being in office only 1-2 times a week. I then became fully remote with a quarterly visit in 2023. I was really enjoying it and excelling until remote packaged were yanked away and I had to take the Deferred Resignation in 2025. We were no longer in our same town or home and I couldn't commute back and forth to a base for the job. So I didn't have any other choice. 

It felt a lot like COVID all over again, the universe and world, making my decisions for me. 

So for the last 16 months, I've been spiraling. Trying to navigate all the emotions and journeys that have lead me to where I am today. 

In July 2025, I bought a laser because I was board and wanted a new adventure outside of learning the scroll saw. I hadn't been actively working since April 2025, and it was starting to become pretty boring. I wasn't rushing to find a job because there were stipulations within the contract for Deferred Resignation and when I finally started looking in August 2025, I quickly learned getting a job was not going to be easy. 

In the last year, I have applied to well over 50 positions. A mixture of remote, hybrid, in-person, full time, part time, and everything in between. Out of these 50+ applications, I have received one callback and request for interview. After the interview I decided it wasn't for me. But to me, that's just INSANE. My confidence and overall being took a major hit with all these rejections and just absolute silence from majority of the applications. So I've been trying to do some deep work and find that girl inside me again that just sets her mind on something and GOES FOR IT. 

I've been all over the place. I haven't focused in on one specific path forward since losing my job with the Air Force and I think it's the main reason nothing has felt successful. So that all changes now. I have set out to decide what I want. Lock-in. And make it happen. 

So if you've made it this far, thank you for being here. If you just scrolled to the end to see what's up. Here's the to long to read, get to the point version. 

All my eggs are in this basket. 

I am here. I am ready. And my business evolves now. 

Custom Commissions are opening September 1. 

I will have limited space for the upcoming Holiday Season. 

My Horror House Collection drops September 22. A few additional houses will be rolled out over fall 2026. 

I'm here. I'm ready. I'm locked in. 

Let's make some houses, baby!!!!!!!!!! 

Can't wait to share more with you along the way.